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RATING: ★★★★☆

Website Link

I don't like Italian food. My family loves Italian food. You may be wondering why a locally owned pizza restaurant is the first entry on my list of places to eat. Despite my hatred of all things cooked tomato, Napoli's remains a staple of our weekly dining rotations, primarily because their garlic bread is to die for. And aside from that, it's authentic. And all of the staff know us. You can't get that experience anywhere else!

Jeff's Vegan

RATING: ★★★★★

Yelp Link

Whose vegan? Jeff's vegan! This is probably my favorite restaurant right now, but it's also kind of pricey (you can thank the vegan for that). My dad is vegan, and frequently complains about the lack of non-salad options at mainstream restaurants. I'm not vegan, but I still find myself dissatisfied with the mediocrity of mainstream restaurants. Would you like the meat with a side of meat or alternate meat? Here's three different starch variations to choose from as sides! Borrring. Jeff's Vegan is great. They've got soup, they've got... cauliflower, they've got... weird bean desserts, they've got... organic stuff... fancy sodas.. Vegetables... wooh!

Two Rows

RATING: ★★★☆☆

Website Link

Like Chili's, but family owned rather than a chain. I wish we went there more often, but they're lacking in any novelty. This is standard restaurant fair, steaks, potatoes, salads... I like it, but my dad continues to be vegan. It's also consistently pretty mediocre. The one thing they've got going for them is that their handcrafted sodas are awesome! I love a good cream soda.

Panera Bread

RATING: ★★★★☆

Website Link

If you're a picky eater, or more accurately, if you have any kind of preferences about food that you care about whatsoever, you've probably dealt with the hair-raising experience of desperately wanting to order a menu item, but not wanting to ask the server to "hold the pickles/tomatoes/mayonnaise/lettuce/mustard/meat/bun/mushrooms/whatever". And dealing with the "what was that?" you get in response when you accidentally spoke too softly or quickly or didn't enunciate enough and then you've got to go over it AGAIN that please you don't want them to put the ingredients they lovingly hand-selected for this specific menu item into it, yes, you know you're a disgrace against chefs everywhere, you can't help it, you're allergic to mustard seed or something. It then takes them 50 minutes to get your food to you and it contains the one item you asked them to not add.

Well, luckily for you, my highly specific yet surely widely applicable hypothetical individual, Panera Bread is a pretty well known American chain restaurant. They serve brunch-esque stuffs all day, and you can order your food and receive it without ever interacting with a person. They've got sandwiches, soups, salads, bread, and pastries. Customization is easy when you can specify everything to a screen instead of a person, and it won't even mind if the question of whether or not you want ketchup with that makes you freeze up for 90 seconds while your brain plays catch-up.

Unfortunately, I can only give it four stars because I consistently find ants in my food.